Advice for the broken heart: How to pick yourself up after a breakup

Assalamualaikum kind reader,

Did you know swan only have one partner for their entire life? 
And did you know if one swan dies, the partner can also pass away from a broken heart?
Amazing fact kan....

Just like everyone else, I've been through breakups before. And it hurts a lot! 

Okay before I'm babbling further about breakup, let me clarify something dulu: 
I know this entry is very sensitive, especially pasal aku sudah berkahwin. If my husband ever saw and read this entry, it wouldn't be nice....seolah-olah I'm still living in the past. 

But truthfully, I love my husband whole-heartily. He is one of the greatest blessing from Allah SWT, and I couldn't ask for anyone better than him...cukup husband ku yang satu-satunya ane dunia-akhirat sama-sama.

However disebabkan kejadian recent yang menimpa seorang kawan yang baru end her relationship with a boyfriend of 12 years, aku intend to share sedikit pengalaman ku yang dulu, yang sesungguhnya aku membuang masa memikirkan pasal breakup - why this breakup happened? what am I lacking? bla bla bla....I know and I truly understand apa yang  dilalui anyone yang baru saja "terminate" their special relationship.  So, I'm writing this to give satu-dua advice to move on yang mungkin bermanfaat....

My Past breakups 

An annoymous pernah tweet:
"What's worse than heartbreak?"

Penyakit patah hati payah kan cari ubatnya.  Even I cannot described more explicitly to you how sedih and frustrated I was masa breakup dulu. I just don't feel like I want to wake up from bed; I only want to stay di katil the whole day and crying a river. Kalau boleh tidur sepanjang hari jua supaya dapat melupakan kesedihan atu. 

There were times I would go to the social media and check (or more like stalking) what my ex is up to. Then ada jua masa-masanya aku even google "How to get your ex back " and very persistence mencuba macam-macam cara to save the relationship. I was downright desperate at that time, sampai terhegeh-hegeh rasa sayang arah someone yang nda sudi (Ommmggg seriously aku yang dulu!). 

Nobody understand me. My mom was always marah-marah because I locked myself in my room. I refused to eat or drink, in fact I just eat a little (Merana putus cinta la katakan. Kan makan nyaman mana pun inda masuk).

I also didn't talk to a friend because I don't even know how to put my sadness into words. Plus the people who were close to me at that time, were actually those who will only be there when diri ane berada di atas and bermanfaat untuk durang pergunakan (True story ne!).

I have invested almost everything that I have in my life on one person that I wish I will have a fairy tale ending. Clearly I wasted my feelings and my time on the person who never appreciate the relationship or my presence at all.

All in all, I can say I felt like I was at the bottom of my life-cycle and it was very hard for me to pick myself up again.Nevertheless looking back now, baru aku realize betapa buang masa dan tenaga diri ku yang dulu atu menangis over someone yang nda worthy of my tears....blergh! Hahaha....

How do I pick myself up again? 



Of course, it doesn't take overnight to get rid the feeling of sedih-sedih, rindu-rindu segala and it seems like impossible to move on from the relationship...but trust me 
time will heal everything!

So, it's okay to cry....

it's okay to feel helpless....lonely....

and....sad...

LET IT ALL OUT!

Among the things that you can do after a breakup is

1. Delete all contact (Online and offline)
Cara ane brutal but it works for me. Dengan sendiri nya jua aku nada payah buang masa ku untuk stalkings or texting the ex untuk bertanya benda yang nada faedah (e.g. sudah makan? harine buat apa) then menunggu ia mereply sepatah dua....(huhu sad life dulu atu!)

With that being said, deleting all contact would also means aku sudah menganggap ia a total stranger dalam hidupku. Aku ne jenis nya nda dapat accept "still friends" atau "Still keeping in touch" selepas out of a relationship. C'mon, ia atu orang yang ketani pernah ada perasaan...tiba-tiba tinggal setakat kawan??? Aku kureng percaya stay friends after end a relationship....

2. Also Delete Everything Yang Related si Ex
When I say delete everything, it means EVERYTHING! Gambar....segala hadiah....semua memori dalam video or laptop dan sebagainya. Don't even leave a single trace! 

Bila si Ex sudah out of sight, he is already slowly getting out of your mind. 

3. Start Slow 
Benda yang paling susah aku buat selepas putus is getting out of bed and try to face the world. Thank god I managed to do it anyway...

I started slowly buat benda yang simple saja, like look out at my window to get some fresh air....do my laundry...read a book...help to wash the dishes...try new face mask and so on....buat apa saja benda yang berfaedah, jangan biarkan diri selalu menangis dan bersedih seorang-seorang di bilik. 

4. Find a Positive Distraction
Masa aku going through breakup dulu ngam I was a pengganggur terhormat. Waktu lapang memang banyak. So I took that opportunity to apply for job vacancies. Mencari keraja was my distraction. I just focused on helping myself, and trying to stand on my two feet. 

My suggestion for dear reader, perhaps this is the perfect time to try out new things, like join cooking class or makeup class or language class classes, cook new recipe or try scuba diving, going on hiking....try anything la...

5. Kembali Kepada Ilahi
Mungkin semasa ketani di dalam relationship atu ketani mudah lupakan Tuhan. Sesudah breakup atu mintalah banyak pengampunan and dekatkan diri ketani kepada Maha Pencipta. Banyakkan membaca Al-Quran supaya hati sentiasa tenang, dirikan sembahyang 5 waktu untuk kuatkan iman dan agama yang ada dalam diri ketani, dirikan jua sembahyang hajat bagi meminta jodoh dan peneman hidup yang lebih baik, perbanyakkan zikir dan buat jua sembahyang sunnat yang lain.

After awhile, I slowly started to terima hakikat untuk hidup single. At the same time, my head pun mencari focus baru iaitu mencari pekerjaan. Waktu lapang yang banyak dihabiskan dengan melakukan perkara-perkara yang lebih berfaedah.

Alhamdulilah, I survived a breakup~~Yay, well done Me!
*pat to myself* 

Frankly speaking, break up is not easy. In fact to do all the things that I've suggested above will also not be easy at first....but trust me, benda ane perlahan-lahan akan menjadi lebih mudah In sha Allah.

if you have a good friend and money, ane pun boleh membantu hehehe...Biskita boleh cuba a short gateway untuk merasa dan melihat suasana baru as a short term distraction. Nada perlu pun ''lari" jauh....paling hampir pun ke Miri.

And a good friend is a person who is willing to hear you out when you are upset and in need of a curhat session. A good friend also dapat bawa biskita berjalan untuk melapangkan pikiran atau buat aktiviti bersama supaya biskita nada banyak terfikir pasal breakup.

To those yang sedang melalui breakup, 
you guys are strong and beautiful....always keep you chin up high~ 

Toodles